It’s actually quite silly the things that I have to work on forgiving myself for. Like these past few days. I’ve been mostly not feeling well. Not knockdown sick but right above that. And now today I’m feeling mostly better and guess what’s going on in my head. Oh leah, you wasted those days of work. oh leah, you should have made that phone call. oh leah, you should have pushed through. oh leah, if your life never gets better, you only have yourself to blame.
Silly right? Everyone has the right to be sick. I had the right to not feel well and rest period. Especially since my whole point in doing that was to make sure I wasn’t sick for the whirlwind next weekend (i’m performing out of town).
And today, I’m grappling with a few residual feeling sick issues. And guess what my mind is doing. Trying to make me feel guilty. Trying to make me feel like a loser. Trying to make me feel trifling. Trying to make me prove something to it.
I’d love to just shrug it off. Be gone with that stupid voice in my mind. Sometimes the best that I can do is just ignore it. Just drown it out like background tv noise. I choose my focus. And my focus is on me right now in this moment. Not the background debbiedowner. I do what I need to do for me period. That is what makes life worth living. Not being dragged around by the background noise.
I Conquer Suicide Everyday 